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I wonder when the exact moment was. I think about that a lot. Like when was that one defining moment that suddenly created a bridge between us?
She was my roommate freshman year. The person that I was randomly selected to live with in my first year of college. Would I hate her? Would we clash? Would we become best friends?
We did become best friends. Right from the start. We were attached at the hip. We spent every waking moment together, and every sleeping moment together as we slept in the same room. Our beds were on opposite sides of the room and then eventually as our friendship grew, we bunked our beds and that was that. Like a seal on the deal or something.
She came to visit me over the summer between freshman and sophomore year. Sophomore year we roomed together with 2 other girls. Danielle and I in one room, Nikki and Kat in the other. It was a great year. My favorite year, I think. We had so much fun that year and still continued doing everything together, with Nikki now included in a lot of our rendezvous.
Then junior year came and we moved off campus together with Eric, Adam and Michele. That was fun too. I enjoyed living with my 2 best friends and felt right at home. Until Danielle and I never saw each other anymore. I started hanging out with my other friends and she started hanging out with her volleyball friends. Then our friendship was kind of put on hold, almost like it was put into the past and neither of us looked back.
Senior year we moved into separate apartments with different people. I've seen her three times this whole year and one of them was randomly on the street.
It makes me sad when I think about it. I used to be angry. At her, mostly I guess. Because when I really sit down and try to understand what happened and when it happened and what the one moment really was, it was when she got the e-mail saying she was on the Volleyball team after tryouts. I was so excited for her. She wanted to play so bad and missed it so much from high school. I guess I didn't really think that I was up against any competition when she signed on for that. But I was. There were more of them and they were better than me. And I just kind of got put on the back burner.
Volleyball has become her life. She hangs out with the volleyball crew before practice, during practice, studies with them and parties with them. I can't help to feel a little left out and shafted during all of this. I guess that was why I was so angry at her. She ditched me.
And I guess sometimes I do feel that little pinch of anger coming back, but most of the time I just accept that we're just not friends any more. And that people change, we both did. I loved our freshman crew. More than anything. I never wanted to let it go, but one moved to New York City, another joined a frat, and Danielle met new people. So, I guess from the outside looking in, I shouldn't be angry at her. I shouldn't hold so much emotion to her name.
She IMd me today and told me she was coming to graduation to see her favorite roomie and one of her best friends graduate. It gave me a nice feeling. But at the same time I think, why bother? Does having a history really matter now that things have gone this far? I don't know...
But, really, when it comes down to it...
I just miss her as my friend.
-A 
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