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rollercoaster days...
06.16.04 (1:53 pm)   [edit]
well life has been turning in every direction. i think i have had nearly every emotion known to man in the past 3 days.

i went to good ol hburg to visit my wonderful boyfriend knowing that i had to pay a good $16 in tolls and about $40 in gas. being that i don't get paid til the end of the month, this was going to be a problem. but i went. because i love him. and i missed him. and i cant go more than two weeks without seeing him smile.

so to make a long story short, i get in my car monday morning (yes i left a day later than expected and even went into work late so that i could sleep just one more night next to him) and there is a note in my car. from [b]him.[/b] it says that he loves me and not to worry about gas because he already got it.

thats right! he stole my car in the night and filled up my tank. and thats not even the end. i get home and open my wallet and there is $25 in there. what a sneaky little bastard, right?
< LOVE >

so my mom got taken to the ER this weekend and ended up having to have surgery yesterday. now i can't seem to get ahold of my parents.
< WORRY >

brians grandfather got admitted into the hospital with it looking like he wasn't going to make it through morning.
< EMPATHY >

i got a graduate info package from a university in chicago that looks like something that may interest me. i also have gotten two respsonses about possible internships for the upcoming fall and spring semester.
< EAGERNESS >

i walked into work and as soon as i opened the door i smelled this odd smell that immediately took me to an exact place at an exact time. i was about 10 or so and my stepsister and i used to visit this old woman in a trailor park that had cancer. we would go and visit her and talk with her, just to give her company.. and then she passed away. and that smell was her house smell. i havent smelled it in 10 1/2 years yet i knew what it was as soon as it touched my nose.
< NOSTALGIA >

i got to talking with my boss about my parents divorce because she wanted a kids opinion on it being that her and her ex have been seperated for quite some time. so, she wanted to know how i felt about certain things and i talked about my dad, which i havent really done in awhile. and it felt good.
< RELIEF >

and to add the extras, < HOT > & < TIRED >
 
"so far i havent been good enough for anyone."
06.01.04 (1:19 pm)   [edit]
that statement was made by my boyfriend when we first started dating in regards to his past. i would love to be able to fight it and say no, they weren't good enough for you, but then he would have done the cheating instead of them. personally, having experienced him as a boyfriend, i don't understand how he couldn't be enough. but then again, i am incredibly thankful for that being the case so that he could end up as mine.

i don't know why i thought about that. that particular phrase just stuck out to me today and it inspired me to write it down.

ive been inspired left and right today. i intern at a radio station and i do a lot of the programming and editing. anyhow i was in the studio this afternoon and i happened to glance at a cd that was sitting next to the computers. i picked it up and i nearly had a heart attack when i noticed that it was a promotional only/not for sale disc of ani difranco.

ani and i used to have quite the "relationship." she was my inspiration, the reason i fell in love with music, with lyrics, with quotes, with "different." over the years my love for her and her music has become straight lined instead of increasing daily. my supervisor told me that i could borrow the cd and throughout the days entirety i was so stoked to go home and listen to it. when i finally did, all that passion and that intensity that i used to have when i listened to her music or saw her in concert came flooding back. it put me on a lyric rampage and i became a searching fiend for what seemed like hours.

i wish i could explain it. she is the only artist, the only anything to ever have such an affect on me like that.

all i know is that i am more than grateful for having been introduced to her when i was 14. and although i am less inspired at certain times, i know that i will always have a faithful bond to her and when a person asks me who my favorite artist is, her name will come out without thought.