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your skin..
05.31.04 (8:21 pm)   [edit]
i think thats what i miss the most. your skin. i also miss a lot of other things. like your laugh, and your kisses, and your little nuzzles. or things like your little stubs and legs and toes. the way you can just make me laugh by something so stupid

i miss you. all of you.

i think this is the worst i have felt since we started dating. the missing feeling. usually i can get by. usually i dont cry. especially with you still sitting next to me.

i know ill see you soon. but as the saying goes, [i]"when you want it, it goes away too fast... times you hate it, always seems to last."[/i]

and the weekend just zipped on by. and the next few weeks before i see you again will slowly creep by. but perhaps i should be grateful. {how lucky i am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.}

and i know how lucky i am to have found you. to know you love me the way i love you. to realize how incredible it is to have found eachother and know how special we are. to feel what i feel for the first time in my life.

i am lucky. so lucky that ill cry with you sitting next to me knowing that youre going to be leaving soon, even though ill see you again in the near future.

its all because i love you.
 
- - - - - - -
05.22.04 (8:10 am)   [edit]
my life has been a lil upsetting lately as i have applied to every place possible and have yet to be hired. i cant explain the frustration that i have been feeling lately, especially with knowing that i have worked harder than anyone i know to find one and i am the only one without one. i wish i had as much luck as everyone else this summer.

but, i suppose that brian is right and i may have to start going below even my own standards and apply at the places that i never thought i could handle working. i might not do that for a few days. i need some time to get ready for that.

but speaking of brian. he is an amazing boyfriend. i know that we have spiffs every now and then and many of them are my fault but i know that when alls said and done, that he is the man i'm supposed to be with. i have found my happily ever after, my other half, my perfection. and that is just so damn exciting for me. i can't wait to start a life with him. to not have to be 3 hours and $40 away. to be able to wake up with him there and to see him before sleep. its just an incredible thought.

my life is complete now that you are mine.
 
i want to be naive.
05.17.04 (8:15 pm)   [edit]
i still remember the world
from the eyes of a child
slowly those feelings
were clouded by what i know now

where has my heart gone
an uneven trade for the real world
i want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
 
take my breath away...
05.17.04 (12:45 am)   [edit]
[i]3:30 am [/i] and here i sit.

only one thing encompasses my mind and he knows who he is. i just spent the past week and a half with the love of my life and it was amazing.

i have found myself more love-struck than i have ever been. i have been finding myself just completely entrapped with thoughts of him and recollections of all of our funny moments that still make me crack up even days, or weeks later. or better yet, the moments that just [i]take my breath away[/i] and make me want to pinch myself to make sure this is real.

sometimes its difficult for me to tell people just how strong my love is for him. perhaps because for the first time in my life i have something that i can't imagine living without. when 'together' doesn't just mean being around each other but being fulfilled by anothers presence. when kissing is given a whole new meaning. when the only thing you want to do after a long, short or any kind of day to ever exist is to see their face and then feel 100x's better than you could ever imagined possible when you got out of bed that morning.

i guess i can't explain it and i suppose that is the real reason that i'm rambling instead of telling it straight to the point and making you go "ahh, i get it."

you can't get it. not unless you've experienced it.

and it's so strange because i thought i had experienced love, and for my own record, i still believe i have. yet, this... this is much more difficult to explain than any love i have ever felt. the emotion is too strong to even begin a description. i know now that all my past has brought me where i am now. and no matter how many relationships ive been in, no matter how many people ive had strong feelings for, it was all working up to this one person, this one piece of the puzzle, my own perfection.

its not that my past relationships have held no meaning to me or to my life, because there [b]are [/b]many fond memories as well as pieces of my heart that i can never get back, but that whether those relationships were existent or not, the outcome would have been the same.

me. him. together.

and i know what you're thinking. the truth is, if i were you instead of me i'd be thinking it too.

but i'm not you. and you're not me.
and i'm happy. happier than i've ever been.

are you?

=http://www.angelfire.com/un/u... target=newmy love, my life, my everything.